Meet the 1st XI Bunch of Chancers Players

Andy Kaye – Position: Midfield

ICE ICE BABY - Huddersfield’s overseas professional. Strange dress sense and odd taste in footwear, headgear and long shorts (or are they short trousers).  Often heard singing his theme tune “can’t touch this” usually as he refuses to pass to his team-mates whilst aimlessly dribbling into the D before unleashing a reverse stick shot out of the park.

Mike Peachey – Position: Defence

Peachey’s pre match routine usually involves a big night out, a couple of hours sleep and Rob throwing stones at his window to ensure he makes it for the start of match.  Also known as ‘angry man’ – don’t cross him or he is likely to bring down some bad Karma on you.  Talking of Karma what must Peachey have done in a past life to deserve to work with all those lovelies at the Rock Café?

Martin Hirst – Position: Forward

Martin Hirst one of the senior players of the team although struggles to get in pubs because of his youthful looks.  Once came fifth in a hitting a cows arse with a banjo competition behind Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Mr Magoo, and Howard from the Halifax adverts.

Adrian Hannam – Position: Defence

Adrian is the ‘coolest’ defender in the league, never shaken or stirred.  The most senior (oldest) player in the team but anyone who has seen him dancing in Tokyo’s and chatting up young ladies can vouch for the fact that ‘you never lose it’.

Steve Durrans – Position: Forward

Steve joined the police when due to a positive discrimination policy they introduced quotas for more short arses in the force.  He wants to specialise in the mounted section and they have brought in a large Alsatian especially for him.  He used to take short corners and penalty flicks, in fact he used to score goals but is happier to take a more supporting role now.

Andy Christie – Position: Defence

Andy is well known as a “fat fighter” he is definitely lower in fat than he used to be, some would say he is not half the man he used to be although he has substituted this with his new purple throbbing machine.

Andy Jackson – Coach – the ‘special’ one

Talks more bollocks than Jose Mourinhio and Eric Cantona put together although has lots of badges – level one, level two, cycling proficiency, two lengths swimming and Blue Peter.  His wife wont take him to the shops any more because he keeps shouting “get something just get something” after only a couple of minutes in the shop.

Greg Moorhouse – Position: Forward

‘It’s soooooooooohh unfair’ - no goalie is allowed to save his shots, no umpire allowed to blow against him and no team mate allowed to receive his passes without an open mouthed stare of disbelief.  Always strikes up excellent relationships in the match with opposition defenders and the umpires – well he’s always got lots to say to them.

Paul Howarth – Position: Goalkeeper

Known for his strange pink outfits and on the field and wearing his dad’s clothes off it.  Not advisable to bring your girlfriend to the game when Paul is playing particularly if she is between 16 and 19.  Paul will most likely shuffle up next to her in the bar and say something like “hello young lady” – and they let him teach at a school!!

Simon Courtney – Position: Midfield

Not short of speed or fitness but would like to score a few more goals.  Last years penalty flick champion and still undefeated in a match.  Courtney is known for doing a body pump class, then playing hockey, football on a Sunday, and then a 10k warm down.  Likes wearing matching skin-tight undergarments with his ‘housemate’ Rob, they are very close!!

Rob Kelly – Position: Midfield – Captain

Rob Kelly our captain and ex greediest player in the team.  His pre-match team talks could motivate us to walk over hot coals for him.  He would be an inspirational leader apart from an uncanny knack of winning ‘Dick of the Day’ most weeks.  Threatens to leave at the end of most seasons to go to Slazenger’s/Wakefield/Doncaster Ladies – lets face it no one else would have him but us.

Clem Gregory – Position: Midfield

Our very own two Jags.  He is the only person we know who has a sticker on his Volvo saying ‘my other car’s a Porsche’ – and it’s actually true.  Once midfield Clem now plies his trade at right back.  We could get him some other bumper stickers – ‘my other girlfriend’s not a blow up doll’, ‘my other mate is a good goalkeeper’ and ‘I was good when I played midfield’.

Ali Ross – Position: Defence

Big and intimidating to younger players but soft really.  If Ali was in Heroes his special power would be slapping – no he is not good at bitch fights – he can slap a mean ball out of defence.  He also seems to like fast food – at short corners his mind often wonders and has been heard shouting KFC, Pizza Hut, McDonalds………..

Ed Waterhouse - Position: Defence

Ed likes his bling!  In fact his watch is that large it’s surprising he is able to move then again he tells us he has zero % body fat which is probably why he needs anchoring by such large wrist wear, or he may blow away in the wind.

Joey Presto – Position: Midfield

Because he’s worth it!!  Joey is never likely to suffer cracked or chapped lips in a game in fact he often loses his man whilst he reapplies it is not unknown for him to get sent off when lubrication is required.  Also known for his rather fetching line of knee wear….maybe it will catch on.

Will Rogers – Position: Midfield

Our very own peace envoy.  Will is often heard trying to further local relationships by asking “oi, tw%t why the f*@k do you live in this s£$t hole,?”. He does have a smoother side though as he dishes out man of the match votes to his team-mates girlfriends.  If you want yours rated Will is only too happy to help, currently out of two he would give Leanne one!!